Photo of exit of cave filled with water, trees at edges of water. — Your shadow contains everything you don’t know about yourself, so how can you meet your shadow self?

Photo stockphoto mania/stock.adobe.com

What does “shadow self” mean?

Psychologist Carl Jung described the shadow as unconscious aspects of personality. These shadow parts of our personalities are not necessarily good or bad, they are simply parts of who we are that we aren’t aware of. The shadow self is composed of aspects of our personalities that it feels too scary to see. Our shadows are made up of parts of ourselves that we don’t think should be there for whatever reason. Our shadow selves could contain desires we don’t think we should have, emotions we don’t think we should have, and needs we don’t think we should have. The idea that these aspects of our personalities are undesirable might come from childhood, our culture, or significant experiences or relationships in our lives.

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is work that you do to integrate your shadow self. Shadow work is the process of learning about what your shadow contains and accepting these aspects of yourself as part of the whole that is you (or the “Self” in Jungian terms). Shadow work is the process of making the unconscious, conscious. Shadow work is the process of bringing personality traits, desires, needs, thoughts, and emotions that were once hidden in the dark into the light.

What’s an example of shadow work?

Your shadow self isn’t necessarily all “bad” traits. For example, when I began dream journaling and encountered aspects of my shadow self in my dreams, I was surprised to discover that my shadow self wants to have fun. I wouldn’t have consciously said, “Having fun is a bad thing.” However, relaxing and having fun did pose dangers in my childhood and my nervous system remembered this. My feelings about relaxing and having fun were complicated because parts of me felt it was a danger, parts of me wanted to have fun, and parts of me thought it was important to look like you wanted to have fun without actually having fun or relaxing. I mean, who wants to admit that you want to have fun if it’s dangerous, and who wants to admit that you don’t want to have fun - it’s like admitting you’re boring, and who would want to be a boring person?

This caused a lot of my thoughts and feelings surrounding the concepts of relaxation and fun to go into my shadow self where I didn’t have to acknowledge or deal with these complicated thoughts and feelings. As a result, I would commonly quietly feel jealous of people who could relax and have fun, and I was frequently romantically attracted to who were really fun and really relaxed. Of course, then I would get frustrated with their “irresponsibility,” unconsciously feeling like the fun and relaxation posed a very real danger to me and my life, but at the same time wanting to have fun and relax. I think you can see where a relationship partner might get caught in the crossfire of this unconscious confusion.

Why is shadow work important?

Everyone has a shadow self and everyone projects their shadow self (i.e., sees the things they think are “bad” in themselves in other people). The bad news is that when we project our shadow we hurt others and ourselves. The good news is that our projections are also what help us to see our shadow, and the more we learn to see and accept our shadow self, the better we can love ourselves and those around us. This is called integrating your shadow in Jungian terms, and it’s a lifelong process for all of us.

Photo shadowy figures of man and woman talking, each is casting a long shadow. — *Photo Owen/stock.adobe.com*

The more we integrate our shadow, the better we know ourselves and the more capable we are of navigating the world consciously rather than unconsciously. When you understand why you are doing something, you can have a dialogue with it and consciously decide to change a pattern you don’t want to engage in anymore. If the pattern is operating unconsciously, changing the pattern is a frustrating and difficult process. The more we integrate our shadow, the easier it is to choose what our life looks like and the easier it is to maintain an internal sense of calm. Integrating our shadow also makes relationships and interactions with other people less tumultuous and easier to navigate. We cannot be whole Selves without integrating our shadow, and living life from a deep felt sense of who you are as a whole person brings an incredible freedom.

When shouldn’t you do shadow work?

We hide things from ourselves in our shadow to protect ourselves. For this reason, it’s important to only do shadow work when you feel safe. Jung believed that integration of the shadow self and the animus/anima were work that began in mid-life (around the age of 36), and that young adulthood is meant for establishing the ego (consciousness and personal identity) and persona (how we show ourselves to the world). The ego, persona, and shadow are all part of the Self and part of the process we go through to individuate (become our true Self). This means that learning about all of these aspects of ourselves is important work! Certainly, young adulthood is filled with realizations about who you are, but even if you do a lot of work to learn about who you are in young adulthood, your shadow is likely to reveal new aspects of who you are in mid-life.

The good news is that your unconscious mind is probably not going to tell you something is in your shadow unless it feels safe to do so. So, if you’re having a hard time with shadow work or don’t feel like you’re getting anywhere, it might be time to back off and establish safety.

What does it mean to create safety before shadow work? It means that your nervous system (your body) physically feels safe enough to share what it once hid. Think about it, if you didn’t feel that a friend was safe to share something vulnerable with, you’d probably keep vulnerable information to yourself around that friend. Before your subconscious mind shares information with you, it needs to know that you’ll be okay when you hear the information. If your response to learning that you have an undesirable personality trait is to berate yourself with self-talk about what a bad unlovable person who never gets anything right you are, your subconscious is not going to feel safe to share that information. Your subconscious mind is going to be much more likely to share information about your shadow if you respond to the new information as an understanding friend would, recognizing and accepting your human-ness, thanking your subconscious for protecting you in the past and for sharing this information now, and understanding that your shadow self contains what it does for reasons that make sense either because they are innately human or because of your past experiences.

Here are a few ideas for increasing your body’s felt sense of safety:

Work on emotional regulation - learn how to notice and name your feelings, how to notice and observe the physical sensations associated with your feelings , and how to allow your feelings to come and go;
Use gentle and accepting self-talk;
Learn to connect your mind and body through practices like meditation, yoga, and Pilates (check out the journal prompts for connecting mind and body here);
Learn what safety feels like in your body and surround yourself with people and experiences that make you feel safe;
Do what you can to slow your life down so that your nervous system isn’t overwhelmed with stress and activity;
Consider therapy;
Spend time outside in nature; and
Listening to music you enjoy.

How long does shadow work take?

Shadow work is never done! Learning about ourselves and what we hide from ourselves is a lifelong journey and process. However, once your subconscious feels safe sharing information with your conscious mind, you can start to benefit from shadow work very quickly. Additionally, when you are deep enough into shadow work, you move on to integrating the unconscious aspects of the opposite sex that are part of you. Jung called the unconscious feminine aspects in a man, the anima, and the unconscious masculine aspects in a woman the animus.

How do you start shadow work?

Because your shadow is unconscious, anything that can help you access your subconscious mind and intuition helps with shadow work. Shadow work can be done through therapy, shadow work journal prompts, dream journaling for shadow work, and through conscious everyday living. Here are a few ideas about how you can get started with shadow work as a beginner.

Learn about how you psychologically project

One of the best ways to see our shadows is to recognize that other people are our mirrors. In describing the shadow, Jung explained that we all project our shadows. Projection is when you see something in someone else that actually belongs to you. I like to think of projection as the psychological equivalent of the schoolyard phrase, “I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks back to you.” Here are a few examples of shadow projection to help:

My shadow self doesn’t want to spend so much energy being “responsible.” I get annoyed with my friend for being “irresponsible” when she shows up late.
My shadow self feels like I’m not doing a good job on a project at work. I nitpick a co-worker’s work on the project and tell another colleague that I don’t think this co-worker knows what he’s doing.
My shadow self feels uncomfortable with my body or the way I look. I see another woman and tell my friend that she doesn’t have the body type for the clothes she’s wearing.

nfographic - top two women labelled "you", left woman labelled "shadow self" with thought bubble, right woman with speech bubble. Below, light beam labelled "shadow projection" pointing at third woman labelled "Someone else (Mirror) — Pin it for later!

Feelings that you don’t want to be responsible, that you’re not doing a good job at work, or that you’re uncomfortable with the way you look can exist without being part of your shadow. These feelings are only part of your shadow if you’re unconscious (unaware) of the fact that you feel this way.

Use shadow work journal prompts

Shadow work journal questions are a great way to get started with shadow work as a beginner. Check out the shadow work journaling exercises below to get started:

Keep a dream journal

Dream journaling might be the ultimate form of shadow work because there is no more direct link to your subconscious mind than through your dreams. Jung himself said that our shadow appears in our dreams. While it can take awhile to learn how to analyze your dreams and recognize your shadow in your dreams, the time investment is worth it. If you’re interested in getting started with dream journaling, check out the dream journaling resources here.

Connect with your intuition

Your intuition is the knowledge that your body holds. Your body speaks in symbols and images much like a dream. When you learn to access your intuition and understand the language of intuition, you have greater access to aspects of yourself that were previously inaccessible and this is the essence of shadow work. Check out the resources for developing your intuition here.