What are some examples of self judgment?

Here are a few common examples of self judgment:

Going over a conversation or interaction in your head afterwards and chiding yourself for something you said or did.
Berating yourself after you express an emotion or show vulnerability.
Holding yourself to a standard of perfection and picking apart everything you could have done better.
Being hard on yourself when you forget to do something or when you don’t know how to do something.

If you do any of these things, you’re not alone! Noticing when you engage in self judgment and learning to understand why you judge yourself are great first steps to freeing yourself from judgment. However, sometimes it can be difficult to see where we judge ourselves, especially if we’ve been judging ourselves for a long time, and especially if this behavior was modeled to us by our parents or other adults when we were growing up.

Shadow work is all about making aspects of ourselves that are unconscious, conscious, or in other words, bringing these aspects of ourselves out of the shadows and into the light. This is how we meet our shadow self and integrate our shadow self. When something is unconscious, however, that inherently means that it’s difficult for us to see. Exploring how we interact with others, or in other words, understanding that others are our mirror, can help us to bring our shadow selves into the light. I invite you to join me in this shadow work exercise as we journal about self judgment. If it feels helpful, use the journal questions below to start.

Shadow work journal prompts for self judgment

When was the last time you judged someone? If nothing comes to mind, here are a few follow up journal questions: when was the last time you thought “so and so shouldn’t have done that,” “so and so shouldn’t have said that,” or “so and so should have done better.”
What did you judge this person for?
What thought processes were associated with this judgment? What did you say to yourself or out loud?
What emotions were associated with this judgment? How did you feel towards this person? How did you feel towards yourself? Where in your body did you feel these feelings? What physical sensations were associated with this feeling?
Have you seen other people judge you or others for this same thing?
Who in your life most commonly judges you or others for this same thing? Write about your experiences observing this person judge your and/or someone else. What do you remember about the experience? How did the experience feel in your body? What emotions do you associate with the experience? What thoughts do you associate with the experience?
Who was the first person you saw judge something for this? Write about your experiences observing this person judge your and/or someone else. What do you remember about the experience? How did the experience feel in your body? What emotions do you associate with the experience? What thoughts do you associate with the experience?
Do you judge yourself for this same thing?
If yes, when was the last time you judged yourself for this? Write about the experience. What do you remember about the experience? How did the experience feel in your body? What emotions do you associate with the experience? What thoughts do you associate with the experience?
If yes, how often do you judge yourself for this?
If yes, why do you think you judge yourself for this?
If yes, how does judging yourself for this impact you?