Shadow Work Prompts For Childhood Trauma
What were you not allowed to talk about when you were growing up?
Photo Аrtranq/stock.adobe.com
Shadow work for childhood trauma
Photo Kristina/stock.adobe.com
Families, like other social groups, have rules. Many of these rules are unwritten. Some of these unwritten rules tell us what we’re allowed to talk about and what we’re not allowed to talk about. If the family you grew up in was dysfunctional in some ways, there may have been many topics that couldn’t be discussed. Without self-reflection, we can unknowingly carry these same rules into our future friendships, romantic relationships, and our new families. Perhaps most detrimentally, we can also carry these rules into our relationship with ourselves. Because we can be unaware of the rules we carry with us from our childhood, this is also great shadow work journaling exercise as well.
I invite you to grab your journal and write about what the off-limit topics were in your childhood and how you approach these topics today. If it feels helpful, use some of the journal questions below to start.
Shadow work journal prompts for childhood trauma
Make a list of topics that your family of origin didn’t regularly (or ever) discuss, or that were tip-toed around or met with anger, judgment, or another negative response.
Were you able to express and talk about your emotions with your family growing up? Were certain emotions off-limits?
When you were growing up, could you talk about a mistake you or another family made?
Did family members apologize when they made a mistake, or was admitting a mistake off-limits for some or all family members?
Were family members allowed to have different viewpoints? Were they free to disagree with each other?
Were you allowed to talk about issues related to dating and puberty growing up?
Were there addictions or abuse that were off-limits to talk about?
Were there immediate or extended family members who you weren’t allowed to talk about?
Were there deaths or difficult time periods in the family’s history that couldn’t be discussed?
Could religion and spirituality be discussed openly and freely in your family?
Were family members free to verbalize boundaries and were those boundaries respected?
Could you talk about money and financial issues in your family of origin?
Were you free to talk about your problems, or the family’s problems, with people outside the family?
Were family members allowed to be imperfect and to acknowledge imperfection?
Did your family growing up converse about meaningful topics, or was conversation kept at a surface level?
Were you allowed to talk about your dreams for the future? Were certain future dreams off-limits?
Were there different rules about what could be freely discussed for different family members?
Now that you have a list of the rules from your family of origin, reflect on the following questions:
Are some of the rules from your family of origin helpful? How?
Are some of the rules from your family of origin harmful? How?
How have these family rules about what can and can’t be talked about helped you? How have they harmed you?
What “purpose” do you think each rule played in your family of origin? Did the rule protect certain family members? Do you see indications that the rule was carried over from an earlier generation?
What rules about off-limit topics from your family of origin did you carry into your friendships and relationships? How do those rules impact your friendships and relationships? Are you happy with these rules, or are there rules that you want to change?
If you have a family of your own now, what rules about what can and can’t be discussed have you carried into your current family? How does this impact your family? Are you happy with these rules, or are there rules that you want to change?
For the topics that were off-limits in your family of origin, are those topics that you can freely communicate with yourself about now? Do you think about these topics? Do you acknowledge and allow emotions related to these topics? Do you freely explore these topics in-depth with yourself? If you freely communicate with yourself about these topics, have you always done so, or did you have to learn to do that at some point in your life?
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