Reflecting on your dating life

In reflecting on what we want in an ideal partner, it’s easy to focus on traits or characteristics that are simple to describe and identify - the kind of information you can glean from a quick glance at a Tinder or Hinge profile, or a few messages or dates. But, the attributes and conditions that make a relationship feel good are actually much harder to describe. Sometimes we call this difficult to describe feeling chemistry. But can we - at least to some degree - learn to understand what gives us that sparks flying feeling?

I invite you to grab your journal and write about what romantic chemistry means to you and what being in a good romantic relationship feels like in your body. If it feels helpful, use some of the journal questions below to start.

Journal prompts for dating

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What do you feel like around your ideal partner?
What parts of you does your ideal partner bring out?
What does communication look and feel like with your ideal partner? What does day-to-day communication look like? What does communication look like when you disagree?
How do I communicate in dating relationships? What do I like about the way I communicate when dating? What do I not like about the way I communicate when dating?
What does everyday life look like with your ideal partner?
What do special occasions (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries) look like with your ideal partner?
How does your ideal significant other respond when you’re having a bad day?
How does your ideal dating partner respond when you’re emotionally overwhelmed?
How does your ideal dating partner respond when you’re happy or when you experience a success?
Are you seeking a partner who is more like you, or more complementary to you? Are there aspects of yourself you want to develop more in lieu of seeking a partner with those qualities?
Write about the people you have dated in the past. For each ex-partner, consider these questions:
- How did this relationship feel to me in the beginning?
- How did this relationship feel to me in the middle?
- How did this relationship feel to me at the end?
- Did I feel safe in this relationship? How do I know that?
- Was I happy with our everyday communication?
- Did we argue? What about? Was I happy with how we communicated during arguments?
- What characteristics of me did my partner bring out?
- What characteristics of my partner did I bring out?
- Did I feel cherished in this relationship?
- How did this relationship impact my mental health, emotional health, and physical health?
- How were my partner and I similar? How were we different? Which differences complemented each other? Which differences caused frustration and difficulty?
What aspects of relationships am I good at? What relationally healthy habits and qualities do I bring to my romantic relationships?
What aspects of relationships are hard for me? What relationally healthy habits would I like to work on? What’s one small thing I can do to work on this?